Growing up as a "minority" in a small town in Kentucky is a hard task. When I say "minority", I'm not referring to a racial minority. I'm referring to being a minority in the social norms set in our society. Being a nerd or geek in school was probably rough, but the geeks grew up to accomplish great things and became just as respected as the "in crowd". Being of a different racial ethnicity may have had its ups and downs as well, but people don't think about the skin color of the friends they have bonded with from kindergarten up. The one most horrible, unforgiving minority that you can be in a small town in Kentucky is FAT. There, I said it. I'm already feeling better.
I'm not going into too much of a sob story because I'm not that kind of person. I'm not anymore, anyway. The best thing about time is that is does, indeed, heal all wounds. Not only does it do that, but it makes you wiser, stronger and much more mature. Now, at 24 years old, I realize that life is exactly what you make it. My only regret in life is that I didn't realize that earlier so I may have enjoyed my youth a bit more. You see, it's not that I was picked on every single day of my life. It's that I was picked on enough to make me edgy, paranoid, insecure and skittish like a stray that had been abused in the past. I had friends in school, but not one of them are still friends with me today.
I'm not trying to play the victim here. I didn't hold on to my friends because of myself. I was always friends, but only in a half-watt kind of way. I was always over-thinking my relationships with people and just waiting for the moment that they betrayed my trust, talked about me behind my back or embarrassed me in some way or fashion. I was a walking ball of stress and anxiety just waiting to explode, but I couldn't see that my biggest enemy was, in fact, myself.
I'm not sure what happened, but the day that I graduated high school it felt like I had been released from a heavy chain that had been wrapped around me for years. I changed completely. I started hanging out with a group of kids in town (they were from the county school) and, through their support, my confidence started to build. That group of friends are still my group of friends and we still get together and talk about the "old days". It took hanging out with a group of sincere friends, many years of college and multiple trips to Mexico for me to "find myself". I'm very proud to say that I've accomplished many things in my life that those small town kids will, maybe, never accomplish. I know that sounds snotty, but I feel like I can put that down in writing at least once in my life.
I still struggle with my weight. It's a daily battle and, sometimes, I'm on the losing end---and not in a good way. For all of you out there who think, "damn girl, just step away from the fridge", it's not that easy. Eating disorders are just as hard to deal with as quitting smoking or being an alcoholic. I guess you could just refer to me as a "chocoholic". Plus, it's not like I'm not an active person. I take my dog on a walk every day. I work out three times a week. I go hiking, climbing, swimming, scuba diving. Some people truly do not have the best metabolism in the world. Some people have to really work for it.
So, the end of this spill is the point of this blog. I'm currently a journalism student at Western Kentucky University. My biggest strength and outlet is writing so, maybe, I can blog about my progress (the ups AND downs) and have more success than not writing about it at all.
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